Today is January 12th...a day with quite a bit of meaning in my life. On this day 12 years ago, Andrew and I "met" at a mutual family friend's birthday party. 11 years ago, we were engaged on this day. Four years ago, when Audrey was just 5 months old and Aiden was about to turn two, I underwent my second open heart surgery. And two years ago, I spoke to my mom on the phone for the first time in almost two months, due to a very serious illness and stroke that kept her on a ventilator for weeks. Nothing major happened on this date today, in 2019, aside from my annual tradition of taking this photo...
I bought this shirt after my surgery and it became my outfit for an annual before/after photo. I've been working on my health for four years now, and this picture reminds me that 2018 was a roller coaster with this journey - in both good and bad ways.
Losing weight and adopting a new lifestyle is hard. There is really no other way to put it, and anyone who tells you differently (I believe), is not being truthful. Everyone reaches poor health for different reasons, but for me it had a lot to do with my emotions and habits. I have always been an emotional eater, and I love eating good food (who doesn't?), and I knew I had to work on both of these if I was going to be successful in living a healthy lifestyle.
The photo above initially brought up many emotions. Thankfully, the first was pride. It's obvious I have come very far, and am still on the right path. However, the next emotion that quickly followed was disappointment. It's also obvious (to me, at least) in this photo that I am not in the same shape I was a year ago. I knew I had gained a little weight back, and I definitely knew I haven't been working out at the same level I was in 2017. I even went so far as to zoom in on the pictures, analyzing what has changed. And then the third emotion set in...joy.
I'm allowed to be frustrated with myself for making choices I don't want to make when it comes to my health. However, I am filled with an incredible amount of joy when I realize that I have succeeded in my ultimate goal - changing my lifestyle. Rather than think back on the bad choices I made this past year, I thought about my accomplishments...I wore a two-piece bathing suit in public - confidently; I ran a 4-mile race without training; I'm lifting heavier weights at the gym now than I ever have before; I have plenty of energy to keep up with my kids; I am still down 5 sizes from when I began this journey; and ironically...I went through a slew of cardiac testing last year due to a low heart rate, when it turns out...I'm just very healthy.
There have been many times this past year when I've wanted to log in and write something here. Time has not allowed it, but I felt like this topic was too important not to make the time for. I know I am not alone in these feelings, and I hope this will reach someone who is only looking at the slightly tighter pants or the donut he/she decided to eat for breakfast. There is a big picture, and when I look at this photo, I'm choosing to see the marathon, not the sprint. This doesn't mean I haven't made new health goals for myself in 2019, but I am confident that I have already reached a goal that I've had for over 20 years. I am physically in shape, I mostly eat healthy, nourishing foods, with a few favorites mixed in, and I move my body almost every day. If you're at the beginning of a health journey, or somewhere in the middle (because there really is no end), give yourself credit for starting, for trying, and for finding joy in every single accomplishment along the way.
