I feel like I owe myself (and you, if you’re a faithful reader :)) an update on my health journey. No pictures this time… I can only subject you to so many shots of me in workout clothes ;). Most of my past updates have been cheery and optimistic and this one may veer more toward reality. Don’t get me wrong, I am still happy with my progress and feeling good about how things are going, but I’ve recently had a few moments (or longer) of frustration.
I’ve been working out with my trainer now for two months. The workouts have definitely gotten more intense and I can tell a difference in my strength. There is another lady who trains at the same time as me, with a different trainer. If I had to guess, I’d say she’s about my age or maybe a couple years younger. We often are working out right next to each other. With my competitive nature, it’s hard to ignore her and not watch what she’s doing. While I am doing push ups on my knees, she is doing them in an inverted position with her feet up on a box. That’s just one example, but you get the picture. Honestly, this brought me to tears earlier this week. Now I know that I had open-heart surgery in January and a baby shortly before that. I also hadn’t worked out in over a year. BUT…seeing her made me feel like a lazy lump (if I’m being honest). After a few minutes of feeling sorry for myself, I thought back to my first workout after surgery. I could not do one pushup on a table, let alone think about doing it on the floor. I’m routinely doing multiple sets of 15 now. I also started going to my favorite class at the gym again last week. It’s a dance/zumba class that allows me to relive my college dancing days…minus the liquid courage. It’s a high energy, high impact class and I’ve now survived (thrived even) it twice. While I still want to wear a shirt to the gym that says, “I just had open heart surgery,” I am trying to keep perspective and focus on my own progress and myself.
The other minor setback came while getting ready for a night out last weekend. My wardrobe consists of a small amount of clothes that fit right now and the rest is either too big or too small. I’ve been holding out on buying anything new in hopes of fitting into the “too small” ones soon. I was hoping that would happen Saturday night, but nope…not yet. I’m pretty sure most women, and maybe even men, can relate to how it feels to try something on and have it not fit or not look good, especially when it used to fit well. Frustration tops that feeling list, followed closely by sadness and disappointment. I’d like to say I have a positive twist on this one, but it really just sucked. I know I just have to be patient and keep at it, but waiting has never been my strong suit. To not end this paragraph on a bad note, it was a nice night out and I enjoyed my first beer in a looong time.
After writing this out and thinking about how I’ve dealt with these setbacks, I know I am making progress. Not just in the health department but my resilience in general. Each day, being active and eating well feels more like just what I do rather than something I’m trying to achieve. I can’t expect to go from zero to fit in such a short period of time (but wouldn’t that be nice). But I’m sure I’ll be keeping up with that girl and shopping in my own closet in no time.