Happy Monday! I hope you
had a nice weekend. We went to the park
yesterday and walked a 3-mile loop (Aiden ran the ENTIRE time, luckily we have
long legs and only had to jog here and there) and ended with a trip to the
playground. Aiden likes going down
slides, but prefers that I go up with him the first few times, so I did my fair
share of climbing and sliding. At one
point, I decided to try a short cut and climb up these discs that were a little
wobbly. Now before my next statement,
let me preface that this was a “big kid” playground and it was pretty high
(really, it was!). So I started to climb
and when I got to the top, I looked down.
My heart started racing and I was full blown scared. I quickly, and carefully, climbed back down
and kept my feet closer to the ground the rest of the time. This may (ok, does) classify me as a wimp,
but it got me thinking about fear.
I love Sex and the City and one of my favorite quotes is this:
“When
you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up
and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before
you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone
there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being
fun and start being scary?”
As
an adult, I’m sure you can relate to this quote. Thinking about my fear yesterday of a piece
of playground equipment…in my younger days I would fearlessly jump off the 10
foot platform at The Beach, I did that bungee swing at Kings Island, I jumped
off a 30 foot cliff while white water rafting.
So where did this fear come from?
Life. Experience. I now know that climbing can lead to falling,
which can lead to an injury. The same
can be said about living life. As a
child I’d walk up to another kid at the playground and ask her to be my
friend. Now I get nervous when I’m
around a group of peers who I don’t know.
Now
I’m sure I knew back then that jumping off a cliff could injure me and I
certainly knew that kids could be mean and not want to be my friend. So why wasn’t I afraid then? I believe one of the big reasons is
resilience. As a child, one day seems so
long and you are recovered from a misstep or rejection by dinnertime. As an adult, we replay those moments over and
over and vow to never let it happen again.
We’ve been taught that we should learn from our mistakes, so if I put
myself out there and was rejected, why would I keep doing it? The fear of going through it again takes
over.
I
used to be completely fearless when it comes to the ocean. I would run right in with my boogie board,
swim out pretty far and not once think about sharks or jellyfish or strong
tides. Now I walk in shuffling my feet,
I don’t like to go deeper than the top of my legs and am always looking around
for signs of danger. The fun and
enjoyment is definitely not the same and I recognize that. I don’t want it to be like that, I want to be
fearless again. I will tell myself,
what’s the worst that can happen? Sharks
are VERY unlikely, I’m a strong swimmer and I’m pretty sure I’d recover from a
jellyfish sting pretty quickly. But the
fear keeps me from relaxing and enjoying something I love.
I
know I don’t have the answer to this problem.
I know that by letting go of this fear that life could and probably
would be more enjoyable and carefree. I
especially don’t want my children to grow up with this fear, as I want them to
experience life with open hearts, eyes and minds. I hope that by recognizing this fear, I can
face it and push past it. I saw a quote
at the gym today that said, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” My life is fairly monotonous right now, so it’s
time to step outside that comfort zone.
I don’t know exactly what that means for me yet, so stay tuned to find
out.
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