Deciding What's Truly Essential

It’s 3:45 p.m. I’m frantically trying to get Audrey to put her dance clothes on while wrapping up with work for the day. At 3:50 p.m., Aiden walks in the door after a day of school and I tell him not to take his shoes off because we have to leave right away. I have his soccer clothes packed to change on the way; we grab his backpack in case there is time to squeeze in homework at some point and pile in the car, typically accompanied by lots of yelling from me. Mondays are busy with both dance and soccer practice, a quick dinner, typically on the go, homework, showers, and bed.

Of course I am describing a Monday night pre-Covid-19, before quarantines and social distancing. Our Monday evenings now look a lot different and at first that made me very sad. I was sad for my kids, worried they would miss their activities and selfishly upset that we were still paying for things that possibly wouldn’t continue. But after a few of these new, slow-paced Monday nights, I realized something. Neither of my children has asked about their missed activities. They have not complained one bit about this new wide-open schedule. Sure, Audrey has said that she misses dance and enjoys her virtual classes, but there have been no tears, no breakdowns, and no regrets about missing these things. So what does that mean?

I think it means that we have been given a unique and possibly even life-changing opportunity. I’ve come back to the word opportunity quite a bit these past several weeks and the recurring thought is this…when have we ever, or will we ever again, had the opportunity to strip our lives down to only those things that are essential? Aside from the obvious stresses that many are feeling in terms of health, work, and finances, when have we ever had the chance to look at our lives and truly analyze what we want – and don’t want – to be a part of them?

The other day I took a few minutes to myself and thought about what I am truly missing in this weird, isolated situation. I miss my family and friends. I miss seeing my kids enjoy and thrive at school and playing with friends. I miss going to church. I miss traveling. While I do miss watching my kids play sports and participate in activities, I do not miss those rushed evenings. While I miss dining as a family at a sit down restaurant, I don’t miss grabbing food while we’re on the run to the next thing. I don’t miss spending money on things I don’t need (okay, maybe I miss Target a little bit), and I absolutely do not miss that stress and fear of missing out on all the things that I once thought we were supposed to be doing.

As we grow up and move through our lives, we very often just do the next thing we are “supposed” to do. Go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, get a dog, have kids, then work so hard all the time that you feel burnt out and overschedule your kids so that everyone forgets what boredom feels like. They don’t tell you about that last part in your college graduation speech, and yet it seems to happen to almost everyone.

So what if we look at this time of quarantine as a gift of perspective and reflection? Take this time to truly think about what we miss and what aspects of our “old” life we can’t wait to bring back. This will look different for everyone, as some do thrive on and enjoy a busy schedule. While I’m 100% sure we will go back to some activities, I know that I am going to truly think about what those activities will add to our lives – and what they potentially may take away. Both my husband and I have continued to work through all of this, me from home and Andrew as an essential employee in construction. We’ve always enjoyed our jobs, but I don’t think we’ve ever been more appreciative to have them. That being said, this time has also shown that priorities are necessary to ensure our family is happy and content.

Today I went for a walk with my kids in the woods. They’ve claimed a spot in our neighborhood as their fort and we now each have bedrooms, mine with a view of a creek. We walked over log bridges, collected rocks to mark our new rooms, and stopped to notice every flower and every croak of a nearby frog. Not once did I yell at them to hurry up because we were going to be late for dance. I didn’t have to say no when they wanted to take the long way home. Now that I think about it, I haven’t done much yelling or hurrying during these weeks and that thought alone makes me want to hang on to a bit of these weird times.

Think about what you actually miss in these moments. This time of distancing has been forced, but our attitudes and perspectives are completely within our control. I know not every single person has the opportunity to think in this way right now, but many of us do. Rather than hope and pray for things to go back to the way they were, perhaps we should pray that we move on with only those things that bring us joy, contentment, and a true sense of living life to the fullest.

Opportunity In A Time Of Anxiety

Anxious. Worried. Sad. Depressed.

These are likely all words you can relate to right now as we face a worldwide pandemic. But the truth is, these words were my reality long before the term Corona Virus entered our everyday vocabulary. And I know I’m not alone. Mental health was already a virus in its own right, sweeping our nation and targeting women, men, young, old… basically anyone who was breathing. As the pace of life moved faster and faster, constant comparison and expectation took over, and for many people – myself included – it was already challenging to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

And then our stores ran out of toilet paper. Schools closed. People lost jobs and all of a sudden even tomorrow was unknown. Everyone who struggles with anxiety or depression is different, but generally the idea of things being “unknown” is not exactly comforting. In fact, that is exactly where the root of my anxiety lies. I don’t do well when things are up in the air or when I lose control. And during these past few weeks, we seem to lose more control with each day, each press conference, and each new diagnosis.

Despite all of that, I have four new words to share with you.

Peace. Priorities. Perspective. Opportunity.

We can choose to focus on the sadness and worries, or we can choose to direct our thoughts elsewhere. Let’s start with peace. With two young children learning from home while I am working from home, peace is not exactly the first word that comes to mind. However, just in saying this word to myself, a sense of calm often overwhelms me. Gaining this peace involves letting go of the things I can’t control, which feels like just about everything right now. But I CAN and WILL control my own thoughts and I am choosing to guide them toward peace.

When else while we are alive will we be stripped down to only the things in our lives that are essential? In this time of quarantine, we are being forced to prioritize our health, our families, our homes, as well as others. We are being asked to think of others’ needs and work together to flatten the curve. My thoughts have been… what if when this is all over, we keep these priorities the same? Or at least we think long and hard before rearranging them. This change could be the silver lining the world needed.

Why does it take a life-altering event to bring about perspective? This seems to be human nature and we should all gain a new perspective as we collectively go through something we’ve never experienced before. I know I will never take certain professions for granted again. I’ve always been so grateful for our teachers, but will be even more so now. Every day I get to work, I’m going to be thankful to have a job that I love and helps provide for our family. I’ve never noticed spring the way I have this year. The occasional warm breeze, the budding flowers on the trees, and the return of the sound of lawnmowers throughout the neighborhood. I hope we all look at our world with a new set of lenses in the coming months and years.

And finally, opportunity. I’m not talking about how you now have time to tackle those organization projects. This extremely difficult time is giving us all an opportunity to decide how we are going to live this life. The healthcare worker has the opportunity to be a hero and quite literally fight for our health, while at the same time risking hers. She will likely discover that she is ten times stronger and braver than she ever imagined. The family with teens at home has the opportunity to take back some of that time lost thanks to social media and busy schedules. They are hopefully discovering that they actually do enjoy spending time together. And for me, my opportunity comes back to where we started. I have been given the opportunity to face anxiety head on. So often I would feel anxious or depressed, but for no recognizable reason. This may sound odd, but I have found comfort in having a tangible reason to own these feelings. And another change…I’m allowing myself to actually feel them. In some way, having something to actually worry about has made those deep down anxieties fade away. I have realized that I DO have control over my thoughts, and that has impacted my feelings. Oh, I am still sad and worried multiple times throughout the day, but I keep coming back to Peace. Priorities. Perspective. Opportunity.

Writing a completely “feel good” reflection on this time didn’t feel right. I’m not feeling good all the time, but you know what? I’m feeling something, and for me, that’s improvement. I hope and pray that this intense and unknown time brings about the right opportunities for all of us to appreciate each other, grow more patient, and never, ever take the simple luxuries of life for granted. A virus can spread fast enough to shut down a nation and keep us apart. But peace, essential priorities, a renewed perspective, and an appreciation of opportunity can build us back up stronger and more united than ever before.