Thursday, April 9, 2020

Deciding What's Truly Essential

It’s 3:45 p.m. I’m frantically trying to get Audrey to put her dance clothes on while wrapping up with work for the day. At 3:50 p.m., Aiden walks in the door after a day of school and I tell him not to take his shoes off because we have to leave right away. I have his soccer clothes packed to change on the way; we grab his backpack in case there is time to squeeze in homework at some point and pile in the car, typically accompanied by lots of yelling from me. Mondays are busy with both dance and soccer practice, a quick dinner, typically on the go, homework, showers, and bed.

Of course I am describing a Monday night pre-Covid-19, before quarantines and social distancing. Our Monday evenings now look a lot different and at first that made me very sad. I was sad for my kids, worried they would miss their activities and selfishly upset that we were still paying for things that possibly wouldn’t continue. But after a few of these new, slow-paced Monday nights, I realized something. Neither of my children has asked about their missed activities. They have not complained one bit about this new wide-open schedule. Sure, Audrey has said that she misses dance and enjoys her virtual classes, but there have been no tears, no breakdowns, and no regrets about missing these things. So what does that mean?

I think it means that we have been given a unique and possibly even life-changing opportunity. I’ve come back to the word opportunity quite a bit these past several weeks and the recurring thought is this…when have we ever, or will we ever again, had the opportunity to strip our lives down to only those things that are essential? Aside from the obvious stresses that many are feeling in terms of health, work, and finances, when have we ever had the chance to look at our lives and truly analyze what we want – and don’t want – to be a part of them?

The other day I took a few minutes to myself and thought about what I am truly missing in this weird, isolated situation. I miss my family and friends. I miss seeing my kids enjoy and thrive at school and playing with friends. I miss going to church. I miss traveling. While I do miss watching my kids play sports and participate in activities, I do not miss those rushed evenings. While I miss dining as a family at a sit down restaurant, I don’t miss grabbing food while we’re on the run to the next thing. I don’t miss spending money on things I don’t need (okay, maybe I miss Target a little bit), and I absolutely do not miss that stress and fear of missing out on all the things that I once thought we were supposed to be doing.

As we grow up and move through our lives, we very often just do the next thing we are “supposed” to do. Go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, get a dog, have kids, then work so hard all the time that you feel burnt out and overschedule your kids so that everyone forgets what boredom feels like. They don’t tell you about that last part in your college graduation speech, and yet it seems to happen to almost everyone.

So what if we look at this time of quarantine as a gift of perspective and reflection? Take this time to truly think about what we miss and what aspects of our “old” life we can’t wait to bring back. This will look different for everyone, as some do thrive on and enjoy a busy schedule. While I’m 100% sure we will go back to some activities, I know that I am going to truly think about what those activities will add to our lives – and what they potentially may take away. Both my husband and I have continued to work through all of this, me from home and Andrew as an essential employee in construction. We’ve always enjoyed our jobs, but I don’t think we’ve ever been more appreciative to have them. That being said, this time has also shown that priorities are necessary to ensure our family is happy and content.

Today I went for a walk with my kids in the woods. They’ve claimed a spot in our neighborhood as their fort and we now each have bedrooms, mine with a view of a creek. We walked over log bridges, collected rocks to mark our new rooms, and stopped to notice every flower and every croak of a nearby frog. Not once did I yell at them to hurry up because we were going to be late for dance. I didn’t have to say no when they wanted to take the long way home. Now that I think about it, I haven’t done much yelling or hurrying during these weeks and that thought alone makes me want to hang on to a bit of these weird times.

Think about what you actually miss in these moments. This time of distancing has been forced, but our attitudes and perspectives are completely within our control. I know not every single person has the opportunity to think in this way right now, but many of us do. Rather than hope and pray for things to go back to the way they were, perhaps we should pray that we move on with only those things that bring us joy, contentment, and a true sense of living life to the fullest.

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