I saw this picture on a
friend’s Facebook page the other day.
I’m not sure if it was the lack of sleep or being around small children
for too long, but I had to re-read it a few times to get it. As a teacher, the use of the word “adult” as
a verb threw me off. But once I
(finally) got it, I laughed out loud. I
also had to admit to myself that I was on the same page as that dog. It’s been a rough week. I’ve actually been working on this post for
most of it, but haven’t had much time that I wasn’t holding Audrey. I will not complain about the lack of sleep
(there’s been a lot) or the crankiness (lots of that too), but it’s ironic that
as soon as I’m pretty much feeling back to my normal self, Audrey takes a turn
into first tooth/first illness-ville. I’ve
written about her great sleeping habits.
I probably shouldn’t have.
So back to not wanting to
“adult.” This made me think about when I
first felt like an adult. Technically,
you become an adult when you turn 18. I
don’t know about you, but I did not feel like an adult then. My parents were
helping me through college and although I was on my own, I still relied heavily
on them for everything. I also didn’t
quite act like an adult. I didn’t
graduate college with a great job and my own place; I moved back home and
worked several random part time jobs. I
think it was when I finally moved out into an apartment, got a “real job” and
bought my first car that I felt like an adult.
But looking back, I still don’t think that’s when I crossed over from
childhood.
So when did it happen? When I bought a house? Got married?
Had babies? Not quite. For me, I think it happened this week. I was driving the kids around so Aiden would
fall asleep and Audrey would stop crying (no shame in that, by the way). I was drinking coffee and listening to Warm
98. Sounds pretty adult to me. It wasn’t the soft rock music or the
Starbucks though. I had an overwhelming
mixture of feelings – responsibility, love, worry and excitement. I also had the desire to go back to being a
kid, just for a minute (or maybe an hour).
Of course the immediate reaction was guilt; moms are known for
that. Why would I want to leave my
babies and wonderful life now to go back to childhood? I’m not allowed to feel that way when I have
all I’ve ever hoped for. But I think
that’s what makes you an adult. The
realization that your life is full of responsibility, love and excitement, but
there was a road travelled to get there.
And it’s okay to want to be back in time and feel childlike again. It’s okay to not want to “adult” for a
while. To leave worries behind and have
your biggest concern be whether or not you’re going to get a new toy.
The ironic part to this? Anytime I’ve gotten this break in reality,
all I’ve wanted is to dive back in. The
5 days in the hospital, where I literally could just lie there, were spent
wanting to be back to changing diapers, soothing crying babies and paying
bills. The grass is always greener,
indeed. I think the best way to make it
through is to act like an adult, but feel like a child. Be responsible, mature and caring but also
playful, carefree and love unconditionally.
I’ll try and remember that as I adult through my life.
Working on Audrey’s 6-month
post and a health update…get excited :).
Have a wonderful (warmer!) weekend!
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