Friday, March 6, 2015

Don't make me adult today

I saw this picture on a friend’s Facebook page the other day.  I’m not sure if it was the lack of sleep or being around small children for too long, but I had to re-read it a few times to get it.  As a teacher, the use of the word “adult” as a verb threw me off.  But once I (finally) got it, I laughed out loud.  I also had to admit to myself that I was on the same page as that dog.  It’s been a rough week.  I’ve actually been working on this post for most of it, but haven’t had much time that I wasn’t holding Audrey.  I will not complain about the lack of sleep (there’s been a lot) or the crankiness (lots of that too), but it’s ironic that as soon as I’m pretty much feeling back to my normal self, Audrey takes a turn into first tooth/first illness-ville.  I’ve written about her great sleeping habits.  I probably shouldn’t have.

So back to not wanting to “adult.”  This made me think about when I first felt like an adult.  Technically, you become an adult when you turn 18.  I don’t know about you, but I did not feel like an adult then. My parents were helping me through college and although I was on my own, I still relied heavily on them for everything.  I also didn’t quite act like an adult.  I didn’t graduate college with a great job and my own place; I moved back home and worked several random part time jobs.  I think it was when I finally moved out into an apartment, got a “real job” and bought my first car that I felt like an adult.  But looking back, I still don’t think that’s when I crossed over from childhood. 

So when did it happen?  When I bought a house?  Got married?  Had babies?  Not quite.  For me, I think it happened this week.  I was driving the kids around so Aiden would fall asleep and Audrey would stop crying (no shame in that, by the way).  I was drinking coffee and listening to Warm 98.  Sounds pretty adult to me.  It wasn’t the soft rock music or the Starbucks though.  I had an overwhelming mixture of feelings – responsibility, love, worry and excitement.  I also had the desire to go back to being a kid, just for a minute (or maybe an hour).  Of course the immediate reaction was guilt; moms are known for that.  Why would I want to leave my babies and wonderful life now to go back to childhood?  I’m not allowed to feel that way when I have all I’ve ever hoped for.  But I think that’s what makes you an adult.  The realization that your life is full of responsibility, love and excitement, but there was a road travelled to get there.  And it’s okay to want to be back in time and feel childlike again.  It’s okay to not want to “adult” for a while.  To leave worries behind and have your biggest concern be whether or not you’re going to get a new toy. 

The ironic part to this?  Anytime I’ve gotten this break in reality, all I’ve wanted is to dive back in.  The 5 days in the hospital, where I literally could just lie there, were spent wanting to be back to changing diapers, soothing crying babies and paying bills.  The grass is always greener, indeed.  I think the best way to make it through is to act like an adult, but feel like a child.  Be responsible, mature and caring but also playful, carefree and love unconditionally.  I’ll try and remember that as I adult through my life. 

Working on Audrey’s 6-month post and a health update…get excited :).  Have a wonderful (warmer!) weekend!

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