Thursday, May 14, 2015

Shaking the Restlessness

Everyone always talks about living in the moment.  Enjoy where you are in life, right now.  But Gandhi also said, “The future depends on what we do in the present.”  So how do I do both?  I am a planner and a daydreamer and as much as I try not to, am always thinking about what’s next.  I’ve had a major case of restlessness the past few months, and I’m not exactly sure why.  It probably has to do with the somewhat mundane life I’m leading now compared to the past few years.  I was pregnant with Aiden, he was born, was pregnant with Audrey when Aiden was ten months old, Audrey was born and then prepared for open heart surgery.  So yeah, life seems a little slower pace at the moment. 

#tbt to a Halloween when I was definitely not feeling restless ;).
I honestly can’t remember the last time life felt this way.  Definitely not in high school or college and after graduation I worked several jobs, was looking for a full time job, worked three of them and then was laid off.  In the middle of that, Andrew and I started dating, were engaged a year later and married the year after that.  And we bought a house.  There was also that other surgery, two miscarriages…you get the picture.  Life never felt settled and now that it does, why am I restless?

While I definitely have some fun things to look forward to, it’s weird to think that I don’t really have any major life events coming up in the foreseeable future.  We are done having kids, we aren’t moving anytime soon and I will be staying home for at least the next year.  But I can’t help think, now what?  I can’t shake that feeling of needing to plan something or get ready for something.  I want to redecorate our house, buy a new wardrobe and go on a big vacation.  Unfortunately, those things aren’t quite in the budget right now, so where do I turn?  Well, for starters, writing this blog has helped.  I’ll also be contributing to the Cincinnati Moms Blog, and that has already started my creative juices flowing.  It may just be a hobby, but using my brain and interacting with other adults is definitely part of my solution.

To shake the rest of this feeling, I think I’m going to have to be patient.  I can’t help but feel that something (hopefully good!) is going to happen, or maybe just a lot of little somethings.  In the meantime, I really am going to try and live in the moment.  My babies are already changing into real kids and I want to hang on to these days as tightly as I can.  And I think by focusing on right now, I will positively impact my future.  We don’t know about tomorrow, but by treating today well at least we’re not wasting any precious time. 

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